Feliz Navidad.

December seems to have flown by, and I only have 1 more day left until I, like many an easy listening singer before me, will be coming home for Christmas. Marks and Spencer's had better be well stocked with Christmas food because I can tell already that it will be my first port of call when I arrive in England. I'm not sure if I'm more excited about the food or the fact that there will be ample shopping bags available for me to use (you would think that by now I would remember to bring my own bags but hélas, I forget every time. Oh putain). My last few weeks in Bordeaux (for 2011 - there are still many more to come) have been as exciting as ever. Today two of the other assistants here and I visited the vinyard that belongs to my host family and they gave us a tour around. We saw all the vines and the machinery and the barrels and got a step by step lesson on how to make a true Bordeaux wine. Not wanting to rub it in or anything, but we wore sunglasses. We bought a case of wine to split between our families (you're welcome) and they let us keep the one we had opened to taste (I am now an expert wine taster so if anyone needs a lesson just ask) and so later we finished it the best possible way - in bed watching the original Grinch and the Glee Christmas special.
A week ago a few assistants and I ventured bravely into the daunting world of extracurricular activities and joined a choir in Bordeaux, which was definitely an interesting experience. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the French answer to Mr Schuester was a tiny, tiny (I think he was shorter than me) French man who made us do some crazy vocal exercises. We started off singing in Latin which was ok since we were all in the same bateau (this is apparently a French saying too, who knew) but when we changed to a French song I think its safe to say we were no use whatsoever to the choir as a whole. The whole thing was fun though and the old ladies (because sadly in France choirs are made up of retired women and not beautiful misfits) were thrilled to have us. One was so overwhelmed with excitement that when a man sneezed during a song she had a fit of giggles which brought the whole rehearsal to a standstill. Perhaps its because I'm a hilarious person, perhaps its because I spend my days with the under-10s, but these days I seem to evoke this particular reaction more than I would like. 
Talking of the under-10s, as any of you will remember from your own primary school days, about a week before the Christmas term ends an unspoken understanding passes through the staffroom and everybody agrees that nobody has to do any work any more. I was a little disappointed to realise this week that, contrary to what I believed aged 8, this has less to do with the Christmas spirit warming the hearts of the teachers and making them realise that times tables have no place amidst the magic of advent, and more to do with the fact that a) everyone is tired, b) the book of lesson ideas has run out, and c) the photocopier needs a holiday as much as anyone else. Cue the Christmas-themed English lessons which have not failed - how could they? - to provide amusing anecdotes. First of all, we've just finished learning about the family and so all the children are familiar with the game of 'Happy Families'. They've just spent a good two weeks asking each other, 'Do you have the father?' 'Yes, I have the father,' and so on. Father Christmas in French is Pére Noël which is an exact translation. So when I held up a picture of Father Christmas and asked them if they could work out his name in English I expected a little cognitive action to take place and for them to deduce that 'pére' is father and 'noël' is Christmas so.. Father Christmas! but alas, that was not to be. Almost every class I've asked has shouted out 'Daddy Christmas!' and it's so hard to tell them that 'no, that sounds wrong on all sorts of levels..' The most fun Christmas word has definitely been 'baubles' which has produced raucous laughter when I say it first, and gets misinterpreted as 'boo-bels' 'bay-bels', 'boo-bools', 'boo-boos' and many many more. Its fabulous when you have a box of baubles of all different colours and a naked christmas tree and give each child in turn a specific colour of bauble to decorate the tree with, and then to tell the rest of the class what colour it is. 'This boobel is gren', 'this beeble is poople' etc etc. It takes all of my energy to refrain from what a fellow assistant so eloquently describes as 'losing my shit' which is something members of her CP (Year 3) class regularly do and have to be sent out of the room to 'calmes-toi'. 
The next best thing about Christmas in primary school is the song singing. 'We wish you a merry Christmas' definitely takes the prize for the most played, since everyone can say it. They now 'wish me a merry Christmas' whenever they see me in the corridor which is sweet. The next favourite is 'Feliz Navidad' and the fact that it is in Spanish rather than English does not concern them in the slightest. When I ask them what they want to sing they all scream 'Feliz navidad, Feliz navidad!!' and I just stand there looking bewildered. 'But, guys, that's not English that's Spanish...' I plea. 'Bahhh... oui,' is the response. Let me just take a second to talk about 'Bah...oui.' When we were taught that 'oui' means yes in our very first French lesson, a vital part was omitted. Because no French person ever says 'oui'. In order to determine what sort of a 'oui' it is, they have a handy 'baaa' which goes immediately in front of it. This is going to be hard to type out but there are 4 main ones. There is a 'baah-oui?' which suggests 'ummm yes I think so but don't quote me on that because hey, I'm just making this up as I go along'. There is 'beeeehhoui!' which means 'well yes of course you ridiculous human being why would that not be the case just stop talking now its hurting my ears.' There is 'baaahoueh' which means 'yes but really I don't care at all,' and finally there is 'beeh...baah..beeh... oui' which is just them taking a really long time to decide on their answer. The 'baaahoui' I received when I told the children that 'Feliz navidad' is not in fact an English Christmas carol seemed to be suggesting 'well its not French so really I don't care what language its in but its fun to sing...' It turns out that singing in Spanish is actually a nice break from all the English teaching. Jingle Bells is a firm favourite too, but only after I drew a 'onehorseopensleigh' on the board to explain what it was. Not that they sing anything other than 'Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, ohwadshjsdghdjgasfhaiehjeshdg HEY!!' But at least they know what it means. 
So, I wish you a merry Christmas, feliz navidad, joyeux noël, speak soon, some of you I'll see soon!! Pictures of all the Christmas spirit in Bordeaux tomorrow. 

New profile picture.

Today was a very Christmassy day and I thought my blog should reflect that. 

Fashion history has been made.

Bloggers, friends, family, Russians who I don't think know me in real life, today has been a good day, and here is why. 
I present to you, from the country which has previously brought us the LBD, the beret and the monochrome horizontal stripe, fashion history in the make:

I honestly think this is one of my favourite purchases of my entire 20 years on this planet. Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas in Bordeaux. And if you can't beat 'em join 'em, right?


Disclaimer: this is for a fancy dress party not for real life, don't try to follow in my trendsetting footsteps in lectures or the workplace.

Look! A picture of me!

Ice skating at hotel de ville.